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i have moved to some better place: http://smallestbearpaw.livejournal.com
come see me there if you want : ---)

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there is summer soon and summer means

reading outside and climbing rocks with little sister
but i am not very good and my mouth has lots of words all the time
fall words and winter words
but no summer words

but summer hands freckle freckle )
Current Music:
sad
* * *
everything everything everything
is as
awkward as
this

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Happiness is small and
crawling like a little animal without arms
and legs but with teeth very sharp
It crawls into my ears and bite
and tells me
Spring is here
you are free
and I listen to it
and do as it says.



I don't remember where I found this picture.

* * *
crawling in and out fictional brain nails
on wooden holiday hands that do not carry us right, the way it breathes like
a purple floating millipede on a movie screen
i do not like the taste of thoughts anymore
remembering the language I speak in hallways

hallways
you told me the following day
hallways are minds and gills (from fish) on fire flowers
what, i said
hallways are time (you said)
i do not believe you, said the me
that listened to the shyness sea
& our longing loch ness monster tongues
singing songs that did not hurt as all those stones
on the animals and their heads, but more or (less)
like mind mess on the carpet


* * *
I do lose my words sometimes. When I find them again they are dusty and make noises like
this-

-I discover a soft building up of
blood ice cubes in my spine
and a distorted alphabet
of sorrow pets and window time
I mock and love the season house
we need to kiss
it smells of dull mistakes and toxic
gold and tastes of mist
but I hate hate hate and hate again
the words I write in utter vain
in a hurry all they mutter
shyly shout and stupidly stutter
is my heart's little longing
for you and me, you, me, youme
but they are only words that breathe
under ghost clouds white as skin
they call out newborns with their sins
and as water, salt and weathered glass
it tears me, wears me, kills and smears me
on the mountaintops and silver hills
where I lie in diamonds with a grin

-word puke done. Stupid dusty ones.

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winter eyes, winter bear, winter sea, winter hair
dust born, snow born, bear born, sea worn
i have lost my words
milu )

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* * *
So I found a bottle of summer under the bed, there was a spider on the lid and I had to kiss and kill it because it scared me right away and I wrote down the color of it's inside and wondered if spiders have a liver to take the ugly air and breathe it right. The bottle came in glass and in the glass there were the tiny broken glass pieces I had listed as almost pure. Almost pure for summer, it made me skeleton. A strange kind of skeleton, where hearts can use the coffee and build a thin line of hope, in between the dark hairs on my head. Falling under all the chairs in the house, I keep my mind in the summer bottle, hidden as a pinned butterfly in between soft sheets of paper. I keep it there and with the horror puke it makes a noise of soul and horrible water. I have no hands like these and I don't know the language I am used to be speaking with. But I'll always meet you there, in a summer bottle filled with a tiny tear I cannot see but for a ribbon of sadness gold.


I bought the catskirt and I'm in love with tattoos and bows and Batman which is why I want to tattoo a bow on my neck and a batman-bat on my arm and it's going to happen. Maybe.
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I wish someone would buy this skirt so I didn't have to think about it anymore: (Found here)

I wish every boy and girl in the whole world knew how special and wonderfully precious they are and that they can save the world if they want to. If I could I would save them.

I wish I had more courage to do all the things I want to do and say the things I want to say.

I wish I had a boyfriend to kiss my neck.

I wish spring would come tomorrow and surprise me with it's wonderful warmness and flowers.

All I can do is listen to the same song over and over again and write poetry that makes me cry.

* * *
obsessing about small tears like lion face on a
dying shoulder blade, oh
bones, bones in mouths,
where have you put your troubled house?
my heart has pockets to carry all your finger nails
one by one and around
these tiny broken mountain tops &
if i put my head really close to the end
i can see stones too soft to chew apart
& i know you have a gold sown heart
to eat, to breathe
the hopeless tiny mountain tops
i can dream if i put my death really
close to your face and our breaths
coincide with the careless sky
just let me be
the tired me, and let us
breathe the swan blood sea
let us breathe the fake ruby trees
let us eat our stupid knees
let us cry and fold like bees
it will take us in the end
it will kill us like a friend
pieces of wool in our ears
to keep the secrets all at peace
just let me be
the tired me, and let us
cry and fold like bees

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I bought a wii. Yes I did.
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If I can't have you
I want to be an astronaut.

Current Music:
Peter Bjorn and John
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You you you you you you you you you you.

If only I could cut my hair into the shape of the fingers dipped in fire we try to hide hide hide. Like embarrassed dolls with arms in sailor knots we hid the rocks and pieces of silver we found on the ground, we looked it up in one of the many sad books you kept in boxes and we were pretty sure they were from Saturn, red and gray and destroyed by wind kiss and barbarian clouds. One broken way of goodbye makes its way into our life and like the butterscotch we just ate, it sticks to the inside stomach, sticks to the tiny bits of soul in your morning mouth. I have word puke for your mind, but we look down, the ground has changed and our eyes has been removed and replaced so many times, I am unsure now. To hide the days, it keeps us pure, if only until next time we go hunting for each other.

Current Music:
good woman - cat power
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Kim Hiothøy in my ears and I am writing too many stories that don't know what they are. I'd like to live in a bathtub, but without water. It seems as possible as talking to the teeth on my pillow. They fall out every night and I guess that's how it is to be an adult. Having the words in a box and then sort them out, some nice ones for your red cheeks, some dirty ones to keep in secret under our nails, some angry ones to eat and stuff in our pockets when we're full but the skulls are still thin. The moon keeps killing our eyelashes in that odd way, through dancing. 

~

~

Edith Södergran and her kitten, Totti.
I like her poetry and I wish I could talk to her ghost.

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I want to make books that has no beginning and no middle and no end. I want really curly hair and I want to buy a Nintendo Wii so much that I keep dreaming I'm in a store buying one, and when I wake up I want to go play on it but it's not there. My baby sister has lips like a porcelain doll and freckles on her bunny nose and we watch the 70's show together in the evening. We used to do that years ago too. I love my phone because it takes the best pictures.


Happiness:


Getting surprise gifts in the mail! This lovely cross stitched 'I' is made by Erin, and you can find other cross stitches made by her here: www.etsy.com/shop.php She's a great artist. <3


Inkpaws! I'm so clumsy.


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I tend to forget nice things so I want to document them.

Happiness:




Eating organic raisins from a box that's a train when folded out
& listening to Devendra Banhart's song 'I feel just like a child'.
Tell me what is happiness to you right now, if you want to.

 

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I dreamed about rain and hiding under rocks to keep safe from it, I think I might have been on Venus and the rain being acid. Anyway, the rain stopped and I crawled out from my hiding place and I discovered the rocks to be of paper and the rain wasn't dangerous at all, and I had to make a necklace that I knew might save a life, I don't remember how but it was so important and I lost it and I think I started crying. And then a girl told me to follow her up into an attic and the staircase leading up to it was really steep and seemed to last forever and I'm terrified of hights. When we got up there she told me it was my new apartment and I was really scared and I didn't know if I'd ever dear to walk back down, but since I mostly stay inside anyway I thought it might be ok, just like an eagle nest on top of a mountain, I thought, but I was kind of angry at the girl. And there were some kind of parade in the streets. I think it was people demonstrating for happiness,
more happiness, and yes do I
agree.



I don't know where it's from or who painted it, but this painting might be my favorite painting ever.

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